Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize