If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
