Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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