Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
