Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
