Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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