I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
