pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
