bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
