i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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