So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Fuck appropriateness.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
