She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
