fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
