hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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