Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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