shes about as inviting as chlamydia
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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