my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
