Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
