i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
