Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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