on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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