He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
