i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wear drunk well.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
