remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
