Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
