I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
