Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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