Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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