Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
