How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
