I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
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Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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