I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
