1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
