i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
