i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
