I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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