You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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