So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
