She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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