My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
