In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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