just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
