your room smells of hookers.
And success
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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