Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
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So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Bring me that man meat
So vagazzling was a success
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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