i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
