gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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