That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
