You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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