You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Houston, we have a squirter
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
