it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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