It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
