Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
home. puking in laundry basket.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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