a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
