this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just want to make out with him forever
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
