you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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