he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
