dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
