12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
