She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
