I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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