this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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