who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dicks are not precious.
I want a musical about memes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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