I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
