You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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