That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
