bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
