best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
