guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
