that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
