Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
